Psychological Violence :
Psychological violence is a series of derogatory, humiliating, demeaning attitudes. He will diminish, criticize, denigrate, insult, reject and keep you isolated from the persons you love, etc.
- « Finally! A good dish. It’s been years since you’ve cooked like that.»
- « Can you clean up after the kids? Jesus it’s gross in here, a real mess. What have you done all day? You’re disgusting me, seems like you’re good for nothing.»
- « Can we be honest here? You’re lucky you have me. I don’t know any other men that would want you.»
Verbal violence can be heard! Sometimes yelling and shouting, other times he uses a low and threatening tone. It can imply or clearly state that you’re not safe.
- « If you leave me, you’ll never be safe. I’ll always find you.»
- « If you don’t behave, I’ll take the kids away and trust me, you’ll never see them again.»
- « Have you seen yourself lately? I could get you locked up in a psych hospital in a snap. »
- « Fill a complaint? Ha! Nobody will be crazy enough to believe you. »
This type of violence is used with the intention to control the finances. Financial dependence often represents a major impediment to your autonomy and often forces you to stay with your partner.
- « New clothes? Again?! You’re spending all our money. Who are you trying to please? Your new colleague? »
- « All of our expenses were on my credit card. He’d ask me to pay for things or “forget” his wallet at home, and he would always have a good excuse not to pay me back. I’m up to here with debts now. »
- « He buys everything he wants, all the time. But if we talk about the children’s needs, he tells me that those are unnecessary expenses. »
- « I never have access to our finances. He tells me he wants to take care of me and that I don’t have to be worried. I have no idea what our financial situation is like. »
Sexual Violence :
Often lived in silence, sexual abuse is perhaps the most difficult form of violence to identify and name. The perpetuator can force you to have unwanted sexual relationships with him or with other people. This form of violence can also manifest itself psychologically when it is used to intimidate and humiliate the other person.
- « A lay is all you’re good for! »
- « Listen; if you don’t want to have sex with me, it’s your business. But you can’t forbid me to get it elsewhere.»
- « A condom? As if I’m going to wear that with my girlfriend! Is it because you cheated on me? Whore! »
Physical Violence :
The most known of all, it can take various forms. It can be experienced as brutality and physical restraint against you, your children, your animals, etc.
- « To show me how much he despised me or when I refused to obey him, he would often spit in my face. »
- « When I was going out, my partner would keep me from leaving the house. He would slam me against the wall or block all exists. I was a prisoner in my own house.»
- « When he really wanted to hurt me, he would break all my favorite things. He would throw them against the wall. I was afraid that the next time he would do that to me.»
- « My boyfriend knew exactly how to hurt me. He would pinch the kids while looking at me in the eyes. Or he would kick the dog. »
If these examples seem too familiar to you, the West Island Women’s Shelter is here to help. Please don’t hesitate to contact our 24/7 crisis line, at 514-620-4845 ext.221. A counselor is always available to answer your questions and concerns.
We falsely think that when the relationship is over, so is abuse. Unfortunately, that is not the case. Other types of abuse can occur, for example:
- « He shows up at my work every day to the point where I almost lost my job. »
- « He was calling me non-stop. Every time the phone rang my heart stopped.. I ended up answering because I felt like I was disobeying him and that the consequences would be even worse if I ignored his calls.»
- « Last time I left, he kept going to my parents’ house to intimidate them. »
Using the children:
- « Are you happy now? The children will never know what it is like to be raised in a loving family. »
- « My ex constantly questions my son on where we are hiding. He tries to manipulate him, telling him he misses me and he wants to make us a big surprise. »
- « Every second or third visit, he arrives 2 to 3 hours late with our daughter. When I try to call him, his cellphone is always off. »
- « Last week, he called me telling me that our son was extremely sick, and then he hung up. When I called him back, terrified, he never answered, sending me directly to his voice mail. »
Don’t forget that if you’re scared, you can always call 9-1-1 or call us 24/7 on the crisis line 514-620-4845 ext. 221.
A counselor will always be available to answer your questions and is there to support you.